i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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