12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
