Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
