My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
