Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this boner is exhausting
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
