i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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