We're facebook friends in real life
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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