Swine flu. Run for my life!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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