I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
