that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
