I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
