She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
