What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
