I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
