She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
