I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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