I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
