So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize