butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
