Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
