I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
