beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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