I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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