I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
