I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
