i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
