my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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