I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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