Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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