You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize