Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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