it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
