It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
