Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
