it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
