Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
