Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
