end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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