I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
