My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
