I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize