"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
