Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
