I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
