And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
