He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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