final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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