They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
