are you so shy because you have an std?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
