We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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