im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
