I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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