yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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