The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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