she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize