my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This house was built for laser tag.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize