Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
