The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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