i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
