Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
