You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
