dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
