Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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