three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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