chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
