Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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