Buhtt sex?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
