How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
