i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
