I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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