chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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