like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
