you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
