he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
