plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize