he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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