It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
