Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
