You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
