i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
