$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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