We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
