can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
