Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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