So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
