I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
