And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize