So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize