You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
