i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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