There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
