if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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