Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
