you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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