Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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