Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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